Our Ayahuasca Story

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By Peter Heibloem

My wife Roxanne and I were doing well in our careers as insurance brokers, the business was growing, and we were achieving our goals – but we felt something was missing. We felt this emptiness, like we were just going through the motions without really living.

Roxy & Pete

We started down the traditional motivational training path…we read some books and went to a couple of Tony Robbins events…all of this was great, and it definitely helped us to stay focused and achieve more. Eventually, we moved to the subject of consciousness, spirituality, and a search for a higher meaning…

It was this search that led us to Ayahuasca plant medicine and the idea that there was a whole other world outside of our narrow band of consciousness that we experience via our five senses. The idea of higher vibrational beings assisting humanity to grow, to heal, and to understand a deeper meaning was one that fascinated us. 

We learnt that Ayahuasca is an ancient tool that humans have used as a bridge to access other realms for thousands of years. The results from people we read about were mixed but mostly profoundly positive, so we decided to embark on the journey from Australia to Costa Rica to experience an Ayahuasca ceremony for ourselves.

Ayahuasca ceremonies tea

We sat through four carefully guided ceremonies and met the spirit of Mother Ayahuasca firsthand. Through those ceremonies, we faced our deepest fears and suppressed childhood pain and were given the opportunity to let it all go. It was uncomfortable, draining, and intense, but it was also incredibly liberating.

We realized that all the success in the world couldn’t fill the void inside us – we needed to heal from within. This process specifically involved us being shown who we had become in life. It was clear that for other participants in the room, this was extremely confronting and upsetting…the crying, sobbing, and purging of these old stories were, for each of us, truly heavy work. However, after each ceremony, we felt lighter, clearer, and more connected to ourselves and each other.  

After ceremony one, the next ceremony had the intention of healing my heart. Mother Ayahuasca replayed our lives back to us, specifically showing us our experiences with love. The withdrawal of love as a punishment, the lack of love and support from parents, and deeper feelings of not feeling wanted or seen were upsetting.

Mother Ayahuasca showed how we had put a wall around our hearts to keep out the pain and the negativity, but it also led to a disconnect from ourselves and a deeper lack of inner love—and the resulting poor self-image was clear to see.  As we healed our hearts, it was like shedding layers of old baggage that we’d been carrying around for years. 

feeling through Ayahuasca ceremonies

In ceremony three, we merged back with our lost soul; the feeling of life being a mistake as if we were born into the wrong family or we don’t fit in, was highlighted and released. It felt as if we had found ourselves again and that all of the pain and misfortune had all been for a reason and was actually necessary for us to grow.

For night four, we set the intention of “show me what I am capable of in my life.” This was a deeply moving experience full of psychedelic patterns and profound insights. After this ceremony, we decided we didn’t want to go back to our old lives. 

love experienced through Ayahuasca ceremonies

So, we took a leap of faith and left our corporate jobs behind. In this ceremony, we were shown that there are two main paths that people choose in life. Most people choose the service-to-self path. This is the path we were on, mindlessly living, attempting to find fulfillment in things outside ourselves. It became clear after these four Ayahuasca ceremonies that the service to others’ path was our new choice for our lives.  

Initially, it was hard to talk to others about our experiences. It seemed difficult to relate to others the way we used to, and there were difficulties in maintaining normal work and family relationships. Many friends and relatives probably thought that we had gone crazy, and I’m sure some thought this was a phase that we would hopefully get over and return to normal. 

We had, however, experienced a glimpse of the world outside the normal matrix of life, and we could never go back to what other people call normal.

After selling our insurance business we started coaching and guiding other unfulfilled people through this journey of healing and self-discovery. Awakening Education was born, and our journey has led us to work with people all over the world. 

Through online classes, private coaching, and guided retreats, we live our new passion. Recently, we produced a film on our Ayahuasca ceremonies experience called Ayahuasca – Source for the Soul where we share our experiences and learnings in the hope of educating and inspiring other souls who feel called to meet this beautiful healing modality.

In our daily lives, we focus on getting out of our heads and learning to operate more from the heart. Kindness, compassion, empathy, and understanding are our guiding principles, and we constantly reflect on how we are treating ourselves and how we can stay true to this mission. 

It’s an interesting balance juggling the daily duties of life—children, household and business responsibilities—and constant reminders to stop, connect, and center via meditation and grounding, all help to keep us on the path.  For us, the adventure of life continues, and we cannot wait to see what is coming next for us.

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